Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Fear and Trembling at the Fairfield County State's Attorney's Office; Or Who's Got Another Crow

By now, the Fairfield County State's Attorney's office must know about this blog I started a little while ago. Time for another death threat:

The Fairfield County State's Attorney Jonathan Benedict calls up his Chief Inspector Frank Garr: "Frank, Berry's at it again. Let's see if we can't shut him down this time. It didn't work last time. But maybe he'll get the message this time. You got another crow?"

Frank Garr: What?! You know these things don't grow on trees. We were budgeted for only one crow this year, and we already used it. We don't issue death threats every day, you know, Not even every year. But this is an unusual situation. The guy can actually put two and two together."

Jonathan Benedict: "Got any ideas?"

Frank Garr: "I'll call the Pullman and Comley boys. They've got more money than the state of Connecticut. Maybe they can purchase a crow."

Frank Garr gets in touch with James T. Shearin (nicknamed Tim) at the Bridgeport office of the Pullman and Comley law firm: "Tim, you know Berry's started a blog now. Next time you decide to steal thousands of dollars of a client's property, I hope you'll think twice about it. And if you do steal the property, try not to leave an itemized list of it where it can be found. OK? But anyway, I'm not getting in touch with you once again for a tete-a-tete to try to fathom your motives. We've got a problem here. We've run out of crows. Not that we had that many to begin with."

James T. Shearin: "Sounds like your problem, Frank. But let me tell you again how much we appreciate the way Jonathan Benedict is taking most of the heat for the crime we committed. A stroke of genius on our part, if you ask me. Not that it was all that hard. You think we're dumb here, go talk to your boss about dumb."

Frank Garr: "Maybe one of these days. It's not exactly the sort of conversation you want to have with your boss. About the crow..."

James T. Shearin: "Yes, I almost forgot. I might be able to come up with one. We have contacts. Sometimes we have one for emergencies. I'll be back in touch."

Frank Garr: "A sparrow will do. We're getting desperate. See what you can do."

James T. Shearin: "10-4, Frank. One bird coming up for the bird brains."


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About Me

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For over 20 years, I've been active in the field of finding, evaluating, purchasing, researching, and marketing notable ephemera of historical, cultural, literary, and biographical interest. My interest in and knowledge of ephemera grew out of my many years of self-employed in the interrelated fields of publishing and writing. I have done work as a ghostwriter, book reviewer, freelance editor, writer, publicist, creative writing teacher, publisher, literary agent, and consultant for authors and small, entrepreneurial publishers. In the 1980s, I did a monthly news and marketing column for the newsletter of the small-press association COSMEP. I have degrees in philosophy and English from Fairfield University and Georgetown University.